TBD 95: Story Jail
How we keep ourselves imprisoned in our own fictions.
Okay, okay, before I get started here, let me say this isn’t a magical manifesting newsletter.
Calm down. The point I want to make this week is simply that:
We all live in a framework of stories.
Those stories are mostly invisible to us.
And those stories create or block possibility for our lives.
These stories have been with us for so long, just playing on repeat. Stories that are unquestioned and unexamined so that they become invisible. It’s like living in a world of virtual reality where things appear real, but are only illusions.
Okay, let’s get practical about this. Let me tell you a story.
Long ago, due to peer pressure, I joined one of those 6 AM bootcamps. We met 5 days a week at a park in San Francisco. I am pretty unathletic (my story) and I was old compared to the others (chronologically a fact, but determining what “old” means is my story).
You can imagine how showing up with an attitude of “I’m old and unathletic” did for my performance in bootcamp. Mostly, it made me pretty miserable. Feeling bad but also feeling sorry for myself.
An antiquated, uncoordinated fossil forced to do pushups among young and vigorous human specimens. Sad. (See, my story is shaping my experience.)
One of the coaches noticed and started to push me (not literally, though I would have welcomed a boost). He’d yell coach type things at me. “Move your butt! Let’s GO! Hustle!”
Typical coach stuff, I guess.
These barks of encouragement worked. I noticed I could do more than I thought. I was improving overall. My body was changing. My energy was changing.
About 8 weeks into the program, I was still last when we did runs, but the gap between me and the others was much smaller. I could keep pace. I had a pace! Progress! I might even have said I enjoyed the bootcamp. (Well, let’s not go that far.)
One early foggy morning, a new woman joined the group. After a grueling sprint series, panting she said to me, “Oh man. I’m not athletic like you are. I can see this is easy for you. It’s really hard for me because…”
I don’t remember what she said next because I was flabbergasted by the first two sentences.
Me? Athletic? Me? Making this hell bootcamp look easy? Wow.
That moment marked a change. Maybe my old story didn’t fit anymore?
What new possibilities open when you move from thinking you’re old and uncoordinated to "I’m fit, athletic and committed to getting up and going to bootcamp"?
This opens many new futures. Healthier outcomes. More fun. More confidence to sign up for teams, trainings, gym memberships. More respect for my physical health. An ability to encourage instead of discourage myself on tough days.
The invisible assumptions about ourselves can often feel so very real. They seem like facts. Often, these assumption are presented as fact by a teacher, a parent or another authority in your life.
“You aren’t good at [insert topic here].”
“You are too heavy/skinny/too tall/ […too anything]”
“You’re clumsy, controlling, quiet, loud…[adjective]”
Enter any descriptor. Any adjective. Any assessment.
Taking a closer look can help you dissolve your self-imposed limitations.
Flush out some of those old assumption.
Try this quick journalling exercise to answer these questions:
I could never…
I always…
I know I’m…
I believe I am…
I’ve been told I am…
Teachers told me I am…
My parents told me I am…
At work, they tell me I am…
Ask yourself:
How do I know?
Is this true?
Is the opposite ever true? Ever?
How does this limit my plans for my future?
Do I want to keep this or explore to see if there is a new story about myself?
Sometimes changing a story means going beyond a mental shift or applying new words to describe ourselves. Sometimes it means building new skills or establishing new practices. We might need to make concerted effort like I did in my bootcamp. But change is possible. And often it is just a mental shift.
This week, keep an eye out for those sneaky, invisible stories that drive perceptions of yourself. As a coach, my job is to hear the stories behind what you're saying and bring those into the light of our attention. I work to help clients unpack what the heck is actually driving their lives professionally and personally - and make sure that's what they intend.
Hi! 👋🏼
Tired of stories that feel constricting? Maybe imposter syndrome at work? I can offer two ways I can help.
1. Let's work 1:1. You can book time below for a free intro conversation.
2. You can also join me monthly at RETHINK? Check it out here.
Let's edit and update those stories to support your professional growth and personal life. Hope to see you soon!
Your coach,
CK
This post is one of my favorites from you. ❤️