TBD 55: Whale Of A Story
Just try the first step. Why not?
When I was working, sometimes my manager would come to me with a project or urgent request that was beyond what I could manage. I would just get stuck on the fact that she was making a request and I didn’t have time to address it. I didn’t really have ideas or recommendations - just fixated on the problem at hand.
Ever notice how you can't seem to come up with new solutions to problems when you're really getting stuck looking at the problem?
I mean, after all, how much space is really left to imagine solutions when you’re stressed, freaked out or overwhelmed?
There’s a part of our brain that has a really weird job - to keep us alive. And to do that, sometimes our brain convinces us to stay in the problem even if it sucks because although it is uncomfortable it’s less RISKY than trying out an unknown solution. (Which could possibly kill you...according to your protective brain.)
So, for example, your job stinks. Your manager isn't a great match. You may spend a lot of time fussing, ruminating, complaining without taking action on your own behalf because:
The devil you know is better than the unknown. I mean, it could get worse, right?
Change may require more effort and risk - not to mention faith in a better outcome
You don't know what to hope for in a better future so it is hard to picture where you want to go next
With my coaching work, I help hold the problem while also exploring what else might be possible. We have to give our imagination some room to breathe, after all.
When you first do this, you’ll notice a judgmental voice shutting that stuff down FAST. Again, it’s a risk and it’s unknown.
However, if you can stay open and easy about it - some amazing things can come about.
Story time!
Long ago when I first started coaching, I asked a friend to let me get some coaching practice in with her.
As we settled in for coffee, she talked about a career change - but more than that, she talked about her dream of leading a trip to swim with whales and dolphins in Hawaii. "But that," she said, "won’t happen for a long time."
I asked her more about this dream. I wanted all the exciting details about why it was so dear to her. She had deep knowledge about the ocean, she was a lifelong swimmer and this was just something that was on her a bucket list.
We sipped coffee and basked in the excitement of this dream. “Swimming with dolphins in Hawaii sounds amazing!” I could feel this brightness and excitement in my body, “So, what might be the first step - not that you are going to do this, but if you were?”
She quickly rattled off a few steps and mentioned a little research she had done. But she wasn’t sure how to find a guide.
I asked, “If you did know how to find a guide, what would you do?”. (Strangely, our brains are SO wired to find answers that questions like this can short-circuit the judge’s mind and come of with answers despite not thinking we know how to do this. Weird, right?)
We continued chatting, breaking each piece down into do-able bits and “I wonder if you could…”
Probably four months later, she was on the trip of a lifetime with 6 other co-adventurers. As the trip lead, she didn’t need to pay for her ticket or hotel. She organized a few amazing size adventures when the crew weren’t in the water (which wasn’t often, actually). The photos, stories, and friendships were phenomenal.
So what happened?
We moved from focusing on the problem, “I don’t like my job” to imagining a solution for something she wanted, swimming with whales. She harnessed a true desire - something she really wanted - and gave it some space to bloom.
The more attention we put towards what she wanted, the more creative she was and the more options seemed to pop up. If she got stuck, I didn’t need to direct or solve, but I could ask more questions about the trip she wanted to take.
Obviously, today we have lots of areas where we can look at problems - the environment, the economy, our jobs, our relationship (or lack of job or relationship), money, etc., etc… But try to put your brain into the solution or what you WANT and then reverse engineer from there.
Switch out "I could never" with "maybe it's possible".
Exploring how you might do something doesn't mean you have to do it. Give yourself room to imagine.
You can always go at your pace (no rush, no push to a deadline)
Let yourself wonder about the simplest first step - What might you do to start?