TBD 028: 💭 The Known Zone
Hello friends,
Happy new year to you! I'm trying out a different newsletter format. Just actually writing a letter. From me. To you. Reflections on themes I'm hearing from clients and themes popping up in my own life. These are the newsletters I enjoy most, so I figured I'd try it out as well.
Okay, so New Year's Resolutions, people. Let's have some real talk.
As a coach, I love a new resolution. I love setting off towards new goals and horizons. And, yes, even as a coach who reads, studies, and reflects -- and, yes, has actually been trained on how to help people change behaviors I am often scratching my head mid-February wondering what happened to my good ideas and best intentions.
I realize that I'm doing the same (old) stuff in the same (old) way.
I hear this with my clients, too. They launch a new process. But strangely, the team keeps chugging along in its old, dysfunctional way.
Or they have a new career direction in mind. But soon, their manager doesn't remember a commitment she made to support their growth.
I call this The Known Zone.
The Known Zone is the deep groove of practice and habits in our lives. Inevitably, we fall back into that groove of practice when facing the new or unknown. The Known Zone frequently trumps a new process. The Known Zone freezes your kid as a 6-year-old even when they are (mostly) capable teenagers.
It keeps a fixed perception of yourself or others. It overrides your beginning habits. It often argues loudly about reasons you shouldn't change after all.
Physically, we often feel the Known Zone most acutely when we start exercising. It can feel terrible at first because you're moving away from your Known Zone. Your body is literally trying to protect the status quo, even if that status quo has been poor sleep, powdered donuts and Budweiser for breakfast. The body shrugs, "Yeah, but you're still alive. Sooooo... let's stay the course!"
So how do we get ourselves out of the Known Zone and into new territory?
Here are a few things that have worked for me:
(Much) Smaller steps towards the goal - Telling your manager you're ready for a massive career change in one 20 minute convo might be better presented as a series of conversations exploring a new direction, taking on a few new responsibilities, and turning the ship to a new horizon over time. The goal is the same, but taking your support people along with you through continued conversations helps them gradually change their vision, too.
Establish a practice - Commit to something you can do consistently - even if it's a very small thing. Practicing a small thing means you can't fail -- it's always possible. A small but established practice finds less resistance and is much easier to build on. In this article, Christine Carter talks about maintaining a running practice one minute at a time.
Keep the new vision in mind - Making your new direction very clear in your mind. Feel it, hear it, smell it, imagine your future surroundings -- then, you can easily ask yourself: Does this behavior support where I want to go? Yes or no? That clarification can interrupt the Known Zone and get you back on your new track.
Accountability partner or group - Don't go it alone. There are groups, MeetUps, classes, coaches for everything under the sun. We're much less likely to let down a partner, group because of our social conditioning. Keeping a promise to yourself can be....slippery. But declaring it publically adds some staying power.
Lastly, New Year's Eve isn't the only time we can make new declarations and take new directions. Fail 100 times, get up 101 times. Keep trying new things with curiosity and kindness until you succeed.
With curiosity and courage,
XO, Courtney
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More Inspiration:
Buddhist teacher Jack Kornfield talks about taking a vow and sticking to it here: LINK