⚡ Uncover what you know for sure.
What’s heart-centered leadership?
Heart-centered leadership, as one of my clients put it, is “leading from what you really really know”.
Early in my career, I couldn’t wait to be a manager. Management jobs looked so easy...it was just “meetings”, right? And they had power! Managers had a title that their parents understood! It seemed like it was a step up the ladder I wanted to be climbing.
But when I became a manager, my understanding changed pretty quickly. I realized how complex and hard the role is.
The layers of emotional work that go into being a good manager wasn't something I was prepared for. Balancing the needs of your team and the demands from your boss.
The loss of control because you aren’t doing the work anymore. And many times the people doing the work aren't doing it right (at least, according to your point of view). As a friend put it, “becoming a leader is learning to drive things forward with a noodle.” You’re responsible but you don’t have as much control as it seemed.
It can be lonely. Sometimes it was hard to connect to my reports. And, I’m sure, sometimes they didn’t connect with me. Or even like me at times.
Basically I felt like I had no idea what I was doing.
Because I was often afraid, I’d armor myself. I’d try to be professional, distanced, more defensive of my point of view, more authoritative.
Sure, leadership requires conviction and some professional distance. You need a strong vision of how things can move forward.
However, we can also be a leader and still feel our feelings. In fact, I suspect your favorite managers and leaders DO show emotion. They frequently show care and are more transparent about their feelings.
As Brene Brown says, “Daring leadership is about taking off the armor and getting courageous”.
The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one's mind by telling all one's heart.”
How do you connect to your heart-centered leadership?
I can offer three other ways to connect to what you really really know.
Practice tuning in. Notice how you feel in conversations with others. Beyond the words, do you feel trust? Manipulation? Concealment? Just practice turning into what you read between the lines to listen to your heart.
Practice naming what’s happening in the moment. Someone says “Yes, I’ll do it” but you have a pretty good sense that there’s something unsaid. Name it with an open heart to listening. That sounds something like “I’m getting a sense there’s something else going on? I’m curious - would you tell me more?”
Or "I'm hearing you say yes, but I sense some hesitation. Would you share what the hesitation is?"
Take a minute to quiet yourself during a stressful decision. Breathe into your body. (remember your body? The skin and stuff below your neck where the iced coffee goes?) Ask yourself, “What do I really really know for sure right now?” Listen. Jot it down.
🫀 More about courage 🫀
Brene Brown did a beautiful deep dive in a two--part podcast recently. I think of this as “The Masterclass of Daring Leadership”
Part One